e-mail: [email protected] ICQ: 8115913
Shamelessly ripped off someone's homepage, who got it from someone else, and you get the picture. Pretty funny if you're Chinese and maybe some of you non-Chinese people will understand some of it. I think the guy at the very bottom of the page collected most of this. Anyway enjoy.
1.You love to go to $1.75 movies.
2.You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
3.You don't order sweet and sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant.
4.You have a pager, even though you don't really need it.
5.You have a really nice pager, with an alphanumeric display.
6.You have a cellular phone, even though you don't really need it.
7.You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
8.You drive a Honda, probably lowered and with custom rims.
9.You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rearview mirror.
10.You like to eat chicken feet.
11.You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
12.You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
13.You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
14.You look like you are 18.
15.You always look up at women, if you are male.
16.You always look up at Chinese men, if you are female.
17.You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
19.You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
18.You only buy used cars.
20.You sing Kara-oke.
21.You have a custom stereo in your Honda with the custom rims.
22.You entire house is covered with tile.
23.You have those plastic walkways covering your hallway and other heavy foot traffic areas.
24.You own a gun if you are male.
25.You have plastic or some other kind of cover on your furniture.
26.You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
27.You eat family dinners with the TV on.
28.You love watching Connie Chung and Terilyn Joe.
29.You have an incredible amount of clutter in your house.
30.You can't bear to throw away things.
31.Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
32.You hate getting B's.
33.Your house smells like preserved fish.
34.Your house smells like Chinese medicine.
35.You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
36.You've never kissed or hugged your mom or dad.
37.Your wife cuts your hair.
38.Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
39.You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
40.You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
41.You had a "pudding bowl" hair-cut before.
42.You go to yard sales often.
43.If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 minutes.
44.Your parents own a restaurant, grocery store, or dry cleaning shop.
45.You love to "buck" the system.
46.If you are overcharged you scream bloody murder, but if you are undercharged, you go your merry way.
47.Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
48.You get a rush from getting a good deal.
49.You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5 for that car")
50.You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
51.You love to use coupons.
52.You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
53.You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.
54.You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
55.You take showers at night.
56.You'll drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
57.You'll learned about sex from someone other then your parents.
58.You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.
59.You've never seen your parents kiss or hug.
60.You spend six months researching a $20 purchase.
61.Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
62.You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
63.You tip 15% or less.
64.You never order dessert at restaurants.
65.You always ask for water when dining out.
66.You refuse to use the valet.
67.You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
68.You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
69.You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
70.You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.
71.You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
72.Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
73.You speak "Chinglish", which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunts.
74.Sanrio means a lot to you if you are female.
75.Your fridge stinks.
76.Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
77.Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
78.You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
79.You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
80.You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
81.You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement park.
82.You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
83.You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
84.You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
85.You love to play Mahjong.
86.You live like you don't have a dime to your name.
87.You have to read all your parents' mail written in english.
88.You have to make phone calls for your parents to english speakers.
89.Your parents ask you if you are home when you come home. ("Faan nei lah?")
90.You get a knuckle in your skull if you are being punished by your parents.
91.You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your parents.
92.You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
93.Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
94.Your childhood is filled with painful memories of the long feather duster ("Gey Mo So")
95.You can use the words "chink" and "chinaman" with impunity.
96.Your clothes smell like fried foods.
97.You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
98.You hate eating cheese.
99.You look forward to Saturday morning brunch at the Price Club free sample circuit.
100.You enjoy listening to sappy Hong Kong pop music.
101.You don't mind working on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year's Day.
102.You are a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer.
103.The only High School team you were on was the chess club.
104.You don't mind getting bad service, since you can justifiably tip less.
105.You don't mind a 6 hour layover in Vancouver when flying from LA to DC so you can get the cheapest flight.
106.Your mom likes to load up on extra napkins, ketchup, and airline peanuts.
107.You like to wash plastic utensils and reuse them.
108.You've lived in the back of your parents' grocery store.
109.You don't like to leave messages on answering machines.
110.When picking up someone at the airport, you park outside of baggage claim in the tow-away-zone to avoid pay parking.
111.You brush your teeth right when you wake up, before you eat breakfast.
112.Your parents always get into these "no credit check" loan schemes with 20 other Chinese to drum up instant cash.
113.You love to keep your inorganic electronic things fresh by keeping them in plastic wrap and bags; including remote controls, stereo equipment, keyboards.
114.You help to keep the bargain ski resorts open by your constant patronage (Boreal, for example).
115.You enjoy the after dinner toothpick.
116.Your parents were in some pretty dumb sounding organizations, e.g. (Chinese American Citizen's Alliance). C.A.C.A.
117.You get up from your seat and grab your hand carry luggage way before the plane has come to a complete stop. (Same for a boat, you stand at the exit door and wait about 10 minutes before the dock is reached)
118.Pocky and Pretzl are yummy.
119.Your mom makes "hocking" noises and embarrasses you when you have your white friends over.
120.When you go to China and have family dinner, your relatives order a form of rodent and try to convince you it's fish.
121.When you are at an all you can drink counter, you would fill your drink up to the top just before you leave.
122.You [think you] dance finer than any other person there!
123.You're disappointed at your 4.8 GPA in HS - Darn shoulda been a 5.0!
124.You love Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, & Jackie Chan [especially if girl].
125.You love Vivian Chow, Vivian Chow, & Vivian Chow [especially if you are a guy].
126.You speak at least 2 languages.
127.You eat rice everyday.
128.You peel the price sticker off to see what the original price was before the sale.
129.You take anything that's free - even if just to cover your desk drawers.
130.When you are at an American restaurant you put the tea bag in the pot of hot water, and not the cup.
131.When they are giving out free samples in the supermarket, you will take at least 5 of them.
[Actually a trick I learned while getting free samples from Price Club is to yell over your shoulder at an imaginary friend and shout "do you want one too?" and then proceed to take two samples!]
132.You never turn on the heater in your house during winter and you tell everyone to wear more clothes.
133.When you have two guests over, you apologize that you have nothing for them to eat when you have cooked ten dishes, and that the food tastes awful.
134.You never use the drier when you have one and you air-dry all your clothes.
135.You've learned to eat right handed because of the round tables.
136.You have to crawl around on the carpet to get all the hair off the floor before it breaks another vacuum cleaner belt.
137.Your relatives save Saran Wrap to "get the grease off above the stove", but you know they reuse it.
138.Your mother tells you you're fat and then cooks 500 pounds of food to take home with you.
139.You hoard samples from cosmetics counters whether or not you really need them if you're female.
140.You have more than four grandparents.
141.You can bathe out of a plastic tub in the middle of a tile bathroom floor.
142.You aren't afraid to eat street vendor food.
143.You like gelatinous food.
144.Your mother lies through her teeth to impress the relatives.
145.You wear hand-me-downs.
146.Air conditioner? What air conditioner?
147.When you stay with other people, you act like a martyr to be polite.
148.Your parents own a grocery store, restaurant, jewelry store, or video store, but you have to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.
149.All your jewelry is on red string although it's 24K gold and jade.
150.You are terrified of having your limbs cut off for your jewelry in big cities.
151.You drink XO.
152.You buy duty-free even if it's really not a good deal.
153.You cover leftovers with a umbrella shaped net instead of putting them in the fridge.
154.You have aluminum foil on your tv antenna.
155.Fifteen people come to pick you up at the airport, but in one car.
156.You've slept on a bamboo mat.
157.You think store hours are only a general guideline.
158.You always reach for the item furthest back on the shelf.
159.You worry incessantly about how your parents will survive if you don't have a million dollar job.
160.You want to drive a Volvo or Mercedes.
161.You cry when you see Lum Ching Ha.
162.You have more knick knacks than any small town would ever need.
163.Your fridge is completely packed with plastic baggies, tupperware, and other storage items of unidentifiable stuff.
164.Customer Service is your best friend.
165.Your parents feel the need to rationalize why you're not going to Stanford.
166.Your medicine cabinet is overflowing with expired drugs just in case.
167.You think crushed ice is a dessert.
168.Your parents are convinced that everyone is out to get them.
169.You clean your plate.
170.You wear slippers that make thwapping noises.
171.You gossip about anything with anyone.
172.You play the piano
173.You spend half the day washing your car
174.You have racing stickers all over your car
175.You have plush toys in the back window of your car.
176.You think of U2 as a brand of clothes not a band.
177.You insist on wearing only brand name clothes
178.Your parents read those oversized magazines (waa boh)
179.Your parents fight with friends/relatives over every bill. (Often ripping bill apart)
180.You shoot pool all the time.
181.Your parents treat you like you're 10 when you are 27.
182.You cheer every time you see a Chinese person on TV
183.The only TV station that is on in the living room is the Chinese channel.
184.Your mom is always renting those videotapes of Chinese soap operas
185.You eat all those weird candies. (White rabbit, sugus, gummy things, dried plums)
186.Your parents use all those Chinese medicines. (Man Gum Yau, Bak Fa Yau)
187.You have Hello Kitty/Kerokoroppi/Sanario/etc products in your house
188.You have a home Kara-oke system
189.You play Big 2 all the time (Choi Die Dee)
190.Your household has at least 2 cars.
191.If your a guy you wear Eternity cologne
192.Your granny is 4 feet tall, has cracked heels and smells like mothballs
193.You wear an article of clothing at least twice before you consider washing it
194.Your parents have no concept of bacteria or food poisoning
195.When you drop a potato chip on the floor, you just pick it right back up and eat it anyway
196.Your idea of great reading is sitting on the can with a "lo foo gee" comic book
197.You were always too modest to take showers in gym class
198.In high school, while all the other guys were getting laid for the first time, you were still in your Nintendo phase (or Playstation in your case, Anthony)
199.Every other Asian kid at your elementary school, according to your classmates, was either your love interest or related to you.
200.Your pubic hair looks like it was the victim of a bad perm
201.If you've ever been plagued by the dreaded disease known as "hot breath" ["Yeet Hay" or literally "Hot Air"]
202.Your mom has ever told you that going to sleep with your hair wet will give you chronic headaches for life
203.every time you barf, you're amazed at how much rice you see
204.You can only wish that the size of your manhood (or your boobs) was directly proportional to your IQ
205.You still love to dance to "Bizarre Love Triangle" 12 years after its release.
206.The first thing you do after getting a haircut is take a shower.
207.You use twice as much milk in your breakfast cereal as most people
208.If you've ever been asked to piss on the vegetable garden
209.If it wasn't for the invention of gel, every day would be a bad hair day.
210.You have nothing better to do than to sit in front of the computer and try to think of more ways to know you're Chinese!
211.You keep an empty milk carton next to your kitchen sink.
212.Your dream girl is Chun Li.
213.You own the Erasure "Pop 20 Hits" CD (Standard Issue)
214.the terms "F.O.B." and "A.B.C." are part of your vocabulary.
215.Your grandparents still think the Japanese are evil incarnate.
216.As a kid, you hated running into your friends at the supermarket when you were with your parents.
217.Your parents talk WAY too loud.
218.You insist on being called "Asian" rather than "Oriental".
219.Is this list starting to run out of steam or what?
220.Everyone in your school assumed you were smart, rich, celibate, and knew karate.
221.You always wondered what it meant when they said "dirty knees..."
222.if you've ever entertained the thought of going to China to find a spouse.
223.If you were ever warned that your future spouse would have a blemish for each grain of uneaten rice on your plate.
224.You mourn the cancellation of the show "Vanishing Son".
225.You have a Chinese melon (winter melon) in your fireplace.
226.You have never used your fireplace.
227.In elementary school, all your Caucasian classmates gave you the "You're my cup of tea" valentine card.
228.A chicken dish served with the head and feet doesn't faze you.
229.You complain that the Peking spareribs DON'T have bones.
230.You and your Chinese friends have rated every Chinese restaurant in town.
231.Your dad doesn't use kleenex...he prefers to just "suck it up" and then spit it out.
232.You have ever thrown something away only to discover that your mom or dad has retrieved it from the garbage can ("Ai-ya, wan how ya!").
233.At a Chinese wedding banquet, you try to be the one who sneaks the whiskey bottle home so you can cook with it.
234.You sneak your own food and drinks into movie theaters.
235.You haggle with the teenager working behind the snack bar counter at the movies over the price of a small popcorn.
236.You have a statuette of a grinning, bald, fat guy with long earlobes and 8 kids hanging all over him.
237.You also have another statuette of a bunch of rosey-cheeked Chinese kids hoisting a giant peach.
238.You feed your dog rice.
239.Your parents tell you stories of how they only had one pencil to last them the entire school year when they were kids in China.
240.Your parents tell you to eat everything on your plate or they will send you back to China where everyone is hungry.
241.When your Caucasian friends hear you speaking Chinese with your friends or parents, they think you're mad or upset.
242.People always sat around you in elementary school so they could cheat off of your paper.
243.You let your kids run around like maniacs in restaurants.
244.You can spend hours discussing the relative merits of thick chow mein noodles as compared to Hong Kong-style noodles.
245.Hong Kong girls don't seem overly-dramatic to you.
246.Your Jewish friends often say, "Yeah! my parents do that too!"
247.You cheered and cried at the movie, "Joy Luck Club".
248.You wonder why there are no Chinese people on an NFL or NBA team.
249.Your non-Chinese friends always ask you for computer advice.
250.Your parents practically worship the Chinese guy that serves on the school board or other local political body.
251.You're afraid to microwave your lunch at work because it might smell up the place.
252.Your co-workers are always looking over your shoulder in the see what your brought for lunch.
253.No matter what the ailment, your mom prescribes you some Po Chi Pills (bo di yuen), the cure-all for every single medical complication imaginable.
254.Your mom makes a soup that she swears will prevent you from being cold in the winter.
255.You have played with your dinner before your mom cooked it.
256.You mom tells you that your pet duck has run away but then she just happens to serve Peking duck that night.
257.You take things over to other people's houses in those half-flats
258.You feel naked if you don't bring something when you visit someone's house
259.You are offended when your visitors don't bring something with them when they visit.
260.You make your guests take off their shoes before stepping onto your carpet
261.There are always tons of shoes in your foyer.
262.Little red envelopes have a special meaning for you.
263.You use generic Kleenex that is really thick and rough but inexpensive.
264.Your grandmother calls you every night to check to see if you've eaten yet or not.
265.Between your grandparents, your grandmother does all the talking while your grandfather just smokes.
266.You've ever been rapped on the top of your head by your parents when you were misbehaving ("Bok nee ga haow!").
267.You're parents have ever called you "slee bow doy" or "slee bow nui" and, even though you're not sure what it means, you know it's not good.
268.Your mom makes you call everyone to dinner even though they're already seated around the table.
269.You think it's polite to tell everyone to "eat slowly" ("mon-mon sik").
270.You've ever been instructed to abstain from washing your hair around Chinese New Year.
271.You have those little brown cupcake-shaped pastries with the triangular top dried-up and hardened on top of your refrigerator sitting next to two shriveled-up tangerines, cans of beer and soda.
272.Your parents are unfamiliar with the concept of "standing in line"; they just barge past everyone.
273.For some unknown-to-you reason, other drivers are always shaking yelling, and beeping their horns at you.
274.Your parents insist on buying American cars (unless they are course, in which instance, Mercedes is their car of choice).
275.You make loud slurping sounds while drinking hot tea or soup.
276.You think nothing of talking with your mouth full.
277.You point at things with two fingers instead of one.
278.You don't mind that the waiters at Chinese restaurants are rude and never smile...as long as the food is good.
279.You try your hardest to get "8888" on your license plate.
280.You have ever played Mah-Jong for 36 hours straight.
281.You have ever clasped your hands together and raised them over a sort of "We Are The Champions" gesture as you are being introduced at a wedding banquet.
282.You blow snot all over the shower wall and think nothing of it.
Thank you, so much for taking part in this test, i'm sure it has helped your understanding of who are exactly are!
CHEERS
MR WANG-CHEE CHEUNG [email protected]
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